What Emotion are You?

Somewhere inside the average human skull, a tiny committee is arguing. One member wants to cry at a dog food commercial. Another is already planning an escape route out of the party. A third just wants everyone to calm down and read the map.

The question is which one is running the show. Not occasionally. Not on a bad Tuesday. As a matter of general policy.

Some people wake up thrilled to be here, radiating an enthusiasm that makes strangers nervous. Others treat every social invitation like a summons and every unexpected knock at the door like the opening scene of a documentary about them. Neither is wrong. They're just different departments.

This quiz sorts out which little voice has seized the control panel of your particular brain. It does this by asking, among other things, how you feel about horses. This is not a trick. Horse opinions are load-bearing.

There will also be questions about tombstones, tattoos you'd be forced to get, and your least favorite fashion decade. One question asks whether you've recovered any memories of your medieval past life. Answer honestly. The peasants know what they were.

The whole thing runs on the theory that people give themselves away in the small stuff. When someone packs for a trip says more than they think. The person who packs three days early is a different animal from the one still stuffing a suitcase as the taxi honks, and both of them are a specific emotion wearing pants.

A few minutes from now there will be a verdict. It might flatter. It might sting a little. It will, at minimum, explain a lot about the keys situation.

No wrong answers, technically. Though the committee inside your head may disagree, loudly, immediately after you finish. Let them. They've earned it.

The panel is assembled. The buttons are unlabeled. Somebody has to be in charge, and it turns out that somebody is a feeling.