If it's not in a spreadsheet, did it even happen?

Spreadsheets don't lie, and neither do you — which, honestly, your team finds equally exhausting. You've built dashboards for things that absolutely did not need dashboards, and you've never once made a decision without at least three data points to back it up. Meeting agenda? Color-coded. Performance reviews? Quantified to two decimal places. Gut feeling? Never heard of her.

To your credit, you're rarely wrong, and you know it. There's a quiet smugness that lives behind every "well, according to the numbers..." you've ever uttered. Your team respects you, mostly because they're afraid to argue with someone who has receipts for everything. Just maybe remember that the humans you manage didn't come with a data export button. Yet.